Today, 25 years ago this morning at 6.30 was the anniversary of my Mother dying. I am an Owl not a Lark but on this day I always wake early, so today I was up at 6 am and by 6.30 am was out planting, composting and growing stuff, with Cassi Cat, the feathery gang and some tea-and-marmite-toast to keep me company.
My way of coping.
Everyone else was (quite sensibly!) still asleep - but not me. I cannot sleep in on this day.
I find this date very upsetting and sad, but I cannot escape this day even if I did want to (not that I do want to IYKWIM) as it is also is the day 96 people died at Hillsborough for a still not yet established set of situations. I will just say - my heart goes out to all of those involved - and 25 years is FAR TOO LONG to find out what really happened to your loved ones..
But obviously I personally cannot get away from this date as the media reminds me every year. Even if my own internal clock did not.
Today, (insert number of years ago here) my Mother died. I was only 26 when it first happened - now I am 51 and in a week or so will be 52. It hurts, every day. Some days more than others. Today is a bad day as it is an anniversary of her death.
Despite the difficulties this day presents - and other various family stuff happening as well (which seems is not going to change, sadly!) I have had as good a day as I could - helped by getting my hands very soil-y with planting and growing and nurturing. I also was helped in my distressed state by being able to spend an hour sitting in the wood, meditating, listening to the birdsong and just being. I am so blessed that I can have the luxury to do this.
I went down to the log circle mid morning as I really felt I needed some help with how I felt and hoped for some renewal and healing. After the last few days which have been rather fraught, I needed it. I lost track of time - thought I was sitting there for maybe 10 mins? - was actually more like an hour. I think this was healing time for me and certainly I felt much calmer afterwards.
I wish those who were robbed of their loved ones at the Hillsborough disaster could find such peace. Sadly, I fear not.
Good old Cassi Cat. What a sad and awful day for you. I always walk in the woods when things get too much as well. Hugs sent your way xxx
ReplyDeleteListening to the radio about the Hillsborough disaster 25 years ago, it only seems like yesterday. Who could forget those awful scenes. Someone made some terrible blunders there, the enquiries need to continue for the grieving relatives of those who died. So sorry for the loss of your mum, a day you will never forget. xxx
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry for your grief. It's also frightening for me because I'm very close to my mom and wish I could wrap her it cotton and stop her from getting older.
ReplyDelete{Hugs}
It's good that you have a refuge that lets you find your center again.
Like you I can remember exactly where I was on the 15 April 1989. I had a friend whose brother and father where at the match. Her brother died he was sixteen. I have never been able to understand why all the inquires since have concluded as they have. I am sorry for your own loss, I don't expect any period of time will make the loss any easier for you.
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